08.23.26

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how much of our lives we spend trying to figure out who we are and who we’re supposed to become. From a young age, we’re encouraged to start thinking about what our future might look like. “What do you want to be when you grow up?” they ask. That’s usually followed by one of a few answers. “I want to be a teacher.” “I want to be a Fire Fighter.” “I want to be an Astronaut” Odds are, the majority of us did not follow the career paths that our 5 year old selves outlined. So why is it that changing your mind as a child considered part of growing up, but as an adult, every decision we make can lead to questions, opinions, or some form of judgment?

The truth is, I am not the same person I once was at 5, at 15, or even 30. Over time, I've begun to see there are so many different directions my life can take. Some are the predictable and safe choice. Others are “risky,” “unconventional,” and outside of the societal “norm.” But no matter which direction we choose, there can be a lot of pressure to follow the path that other people think we should take. Sometimes, we don’t even realize how much those expectations are influencing our decisions. We just assume we’re doing what we’re supposed to do. Eventually, we have to ask ourselves whether we’re making those choices because they’re what we actually want or because they’re what everyone else expects from us.

I think that’s where things can get complicated. We can spend years working toward a life we genuinely believed we wanted, only to reach a point where something inside of us starts to feel different. Maybe the career we were so sure about doesn't excite us anymore. Maybe the place we always imagined living no longer feels like home. Maybe the future we once pictured still makes sense on paper. Yet, when we stop and ask ourselves if it’s really what we want, the answer isn’t as clear anymore. Sometimes, we simply outgrow the life we had planned.

The older I get, the more I realize that life doesn’t always follow the timeline we create for it. I used to believe I needed to have every step of my life mapped out and that once I chose a direction, I needed to stick with it. But life doesn’t always work that way. Sometimes plans change, circumstances change, and we change along with them. It can be scary to consider changing direction. We might doubt our feelings or wonder if we’re making the right choice. But sometimes, the answer is just no. This isn’t what I want anymore.

Once we realize that, there can be a lot that comes with it. We might be afraid of disappointing people, or failing if we try something new. Maybe we’re afraid of looking foolish for walking away from something we once wanted so badly. We can start to wonder if choosing a new direction means the time, effort, and energy we’ve already invested was all for nothing. But I don’t think that’s true.

The years we spend on something aren’t wasted just because we eventually choose something else. What we experienced, learned, and built along the way can still be a meaningful part of our story, even if it isn’t part of our future anymore. Those years still shaped us. They still taught us something. They still helped us get where we are now.

I think part of that pressure comes from feeling like we need to have everything figured out. We often feel like we need to have a valid reason for wanting something different. Because of that, we end up over explaining our decisions or defending them, especially when other people don’t understand. But sometimes, the reason is simply that we don’t want the same thing anymore.

We’re allowed to realize that something we once wanted no longer feels right. We’re allowed to step away, start over, or choose a different direction, even when we don’t know exactly what comes next. We can figure that part out along the way. You are allowed to change your mind…

So the next time you find yourself questioning a decision, ask yourself:

Am I afraid of the new path, or am I just afraid to leave the old one?

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