04.22.26

1. I don't want to bring a child into this world just because I'm "supposed to"

For a long time, I think I accepted that having children was just a natural part of life. I never really stopped to ask myself if it was something I personally wanted. When you grow up believing something for the majority of your life, going against it can make you feel guilty. It’s ingrained in us at such an early age that sometimes we don’t even realize we have a choice. So of course I’m going to have kids… right? You’re supposed to want the house, the marriage, the children, the family. But the reality is, there is no “right path” in life. There is no checklist we all have to follow.

Once we realized we had a choice, we started asking ourselves questions we should have asked long ago… Did we actually want to be parents? Did we really want to take on the responsibility of raising a child? The truth was, that our answers to those questions was not an astounding YES! We realized that we had only said we wanted children because that was what we thought we were supposed to say. This realization is what ultimately made our decision clear. A child should be brought into the world because you truly want them, not because you feel like you’re supposed to. Looking back, this was one of the biggest turning points for us because it made us realize that maybe we didn’t want children after all. 

2. I enjoy the current life I’m living

Once we accepted that we didn’t have to have children, we wanted to make sure that choosing not to was actually the choice we wanted to make. We didn’t want to simply reject parenthood because we had finally given ourselves permission to question it. We wanted to really consider it. So, we talked about what our lives could look like with children, what we would gain, what we would give up, and what would inevitably change. And when we really looked at it honestly, the benefits of having children didn’t outweigh our desire to continue enjoying the life we have now. We love the life we've built together and the freedom we have to make plans, set goals, and shape our future around the things that are important to us. When we consider everything that comes with parenting, the late nights, the loss of freedom, the lack of sleep, the financial responsibility, and even the state of the world, we've realized that we simply don't have a 100% desire to have a child. We could be leaning 95% toward wanting a child, but for something as permanent and life-changing as bringing a child into the world, 95% isn't enough. If we're not 100% sure that this is the life we genuinely want, then for us, the answer is no.

We genuinely love the children who are already a part of our lives. We love celebrating their birthdays, holidays, sporting events, milestones, and we love getting to watch them grow. We can experience the joy that comes from those relationships without feeling like we need children of our own. While we truly enjoy all of those interactions, we've also really love coming home to a quiet household. We enjoy spending our weekends together, binge-watching our favorite shows, relaxing, and enjoying each other's company. We understand why parenthood is the right choice for so many people, and we can see why it brings them so much happiness. But when we look at our own life, we don't feel like we're missing anything. We love the life we've built together. For us that is enough. 

3. I don't have the desire to be pregnant

I have never had the desire to be pregnant. For as long as I can remember, I've said that I didn't want to experience pregnancy. I didn't want to feel a baby moving inside me, and I didn't want to experience the physical changes that come with pregnancy. Whenever I would say this growing up, I was always told, “You're just a teenager. You'll change your mind.” Everyone said, “It's the greatest thing you'll ever do!” or “Oh, but once you feel that first little kick, you'll never want to let that feeling go.” But if we're being completely honest, every time I thought about a baby moving around inside my body, it made me cringe. The idea of it felt... repulsive. While that might sound harsh, it's simply how I felt. I've never wanted to be pregnant, and I've never wanted to experience childbirth.

I think for a long time, I just assumed that eventually I would feel differently. Maybe I'd get older, get married, or reach a certain point in my life where suddenly the idea of being pregnant would feel natural to me. Everyone told me that feeling would come. But it never did. If anything, the older I get, the more I realize how consistent this feeling has been. The feelings I had at 16 are the same feelings I have now. It's almost strange to think that I spent so much of my life believing that having children was something I was supposed to do, while quietly dreading the part of life when I would eventually have to experience pregnancy. I can appreciate how special pregnancy is for other people and understand why someone would want to experience it. However, I know that it isn't something I want for myself. I don't need a better reason than that. I've simply never wanted to be pregnant, and that's okay.

4. I don't want my entire life to revolve around parenthood

I understand that being a parent doesn't mean you stop being an individual. I know plenty of people who maintain careers, friendships, hobbies, relationships, and identities outside of being a parent. But I also understand how much of your life inevitably becomes centered around your children. Their schedules, their needs, their health, their education, their activities, their emotions. All of these things become something you have to consider. Even when they grow up, being their parent doesn't end. It is a lifelong role and responsibility.

I don't want that responsibility. I want to have the freedom to decide how I spend my time and energy. I want to be able to prioritize my marriage, my friendships, my interests, my career, and the things that make me happy. I want to be able to make decisions about my future without always having to think about how they will affect a child. I know there are so many different ways to build a meaningful and fulfilling life, and for many people, that life includes having children. However, I know that isn't the life I want. I want my life to be centered around the people and things I love, without the responsibility of raising a child. Some people might look at that and think it's selfish, but I actually feel the opposite. I think it would be far more selfish to bring a child into the world simply because I was told that parenthood would make my life more complete... I'm happy with my life, and I don't need anyone else to understand my choice for me to know that it's the right one for me.

5. I don't want to be a single parent

I know some people might read this and immediately think, “Why would you automatically assume you're going to get divorced? That's a marriage problem, not a parenting one.” But that's not really what I mean. I know that neither of us can predict the future, and I know that life can change in ways we never see coming. My husband or I could get into a car accident, have a medical emergency, or something else completely unexpected could happen. And if that were to happen, I have to ask myself, would I be mentally and emotionally prepared to not only grieve losing my husband, but also continue being strong enough to raise a child or children on my own? Would he want to have to raise our children without me? God forbid something happened to me during pregnancy or childbirth, would he be willing to raise our child entirely on his own? These aren't things we expect to happen, but they are possibilities that come with becoming parents.

I know that every parent takes those risks, and I'm not saying that anyone is wrong for accepting them. But when we really thought about it, we realized that they are risks neither of us wants to take. We don't want to imagine a life without each other, and we especially don't want to imagine one of us having to navigate that loss while also raising a child alone. We can't control what happens to us, and choosing not to have children doesn't mean we'll never experience loss or hardship. But knowing that parenthood comes with the possibility of one day having to do it without each other made us realize that it's a part of that life we simply don't want to take on.

These are just some of the reasons we ultimately chose a life without children. I know they may not make sense to everyone, but after a lot of honest conversations and reflection, we realized this life feels right for us. There is no single path we are all meant to follow, and sometimes the hardest part is giving ourselves permission to choose a different one. So if you find yourself standing at the crossroads of parenthood, I hope you remember that there is more than one way forward.

© 2026 Things We Don’t Say by B.K. All rights reserved.

All original writing, journal entries, photographs, graphics, and other content published on this website are the property of Things We Don’t Say and may not be copied, reproduced, republished, or distributed without permission. Please feel free to read, reflect, and share the website—but please give credit where credit is due.